Apprehensively excited

Hi, my name is Jill and I am pregnant for the 3rd time. Sadly, the first two both ended in miscarriage and I'm more than a little scared that this one will end the same way. However, I decided I was going to write this blog and hope its something I can keep up for the next 9 months.

So, a little history. My husband and I were married in 2002 and started trying to get pregnant shortly thereafter. A year and a half later, we discovered that I had stage IV endometriosis. So, I had a lap to remove the endo and we jumped right into fertility treatments. Three IVFs and no positive pregnancy tests later, we decided that being parents was our goal, not pregnancy, and we moved onto adoption. We adopted from Guatemala our beautiful, nearly 3 year old son in late 2006, and he has been a complete joy to us. I absolutely have no regrets about our path to parenthood because were it not for those failed fertility treatments, we would not have him. It was God's perfect timing at work, I am sure of it.

Much to our surprise, shortly after we returned from Guatemala, we discovered I was pregnant. The pregnancy never looked viable though (no baby ever developed, just an empty sac), and at 8 weeks my body finally realized it was not nurturing life and I miscarried.

Last year we decided to start the adoption process again, adopting domestically this time around. One month after our profile was put in the agency's book, we found out we had been chosen by a birth mother. We were shocked that it happened so fast, to say the least. We met her and thought it was a good match. The next day, we discovered that once again I was pregnant. The baby we were expecting through adoption wasn't due for 2 1/2 more months, so we were thrilled and a little scared that we could have two babies about 6 months apart in age.

Unfortunately, the match with the birth mother fell through before we even had a chance to tell her about our pregnancy. The next day, we saw a heartbeat for the first time and were, of course, thrilled that at least the pregnancy seemed like it could possibly work out. However, when we went for another ultrasound two weeks later, there was no longer a heartbeat (I was about 8 1/2 weeks along). It was devastating to have gone from thinking we could soon have two babies to none within the space of about 3 weeks.

So, we now have waiting in the profile book since the match fell through and have not heard about any possible matches. A few days ago, I started to recognize some of the same symptoms I experienced with my first two pregnancies, so I bought a test and a perfect plus sign appeared pretty much instantly. I am now exactly 4 weeks along, due on July 17th. I don't know what it is, but I have recognized very early on that something was different with my body in each of the 3 cycles I got pregnant because those are the only three times I have bought pregnancy tests in the last two years.

The past two times, I have broken down and told a couple of my close friends as soon as I got the positive test, but I'm feeling a little hesitant to do so this time. My husband is the only person who knows, and I don't even think I'll call the doctor until next week sometime. Because of my fertility history, she always wants to do very early ultrasounds and I just don't want to face that right now. Or even the bloodwork.

Well, I think I've blabbed on enough. Hopefully this is the first post of many!