A moment of paranoia

Well, for the last several days I have had a fairly good backache. I know this can be completely normal...in my head. I have also had some intermittent cramping. Again, something I know can be completely normal. However, I don't know if it was the fact that we started sharing the news with our friends and family, or the holidays, or both, but I got terribly nervous that something was wrong. So, I called the doctor this morning and asked if they could get me in for a doppler just for my peace of mind. They could, and thankfully, my doctor found the strong, healthy heartbeat within probably a minute of searching (okay, so it felt like an eternity, but who's counting!). She didn't measure it, but she said it sounded like it was somewhere in the 140s (normal is 120-160 at this point). So, I am breathing a deep sigh of relief tonight.

We'll have our next appt on Jan. 12th now, since we don't really need to keep the one on the 6th now. I think at that point she really is going to make me go to a once a month schedule, and I am truly dreading that. I can't wait until I can actually feel the baby moving around. Hopefully that will help me to not worry...oh who am I kidding?!

Still going well

We had our 3rd ultrasound today, and once again, things are looking very good. The baby was even moving around! We could see his/her arms and legs. Its still a bit alien-like, but its definitely more recognizable as a baby than it was before!

The baby measured 10w1d, so I believe I will officially change my tickers to 10w (I'll stick with 3 days ahead of where I thought I was than 4, since two of the three ultrasounds measured that way. This means that my expected due date is now 7/14 instead of 7/17.

The heart rate was 171bpm, so that was just perfect as well. She checked everything out and so far everything is looking just fabulous. I can't help but still feel a little nervous, but its starting to feel a little more possible that this could really happen.

So, here are the newest pictures! These will have to do, since my ob doesn't plan to do another ultrasound until 20 weeks. She told me I was just a 'normal' patient now. Yikes!

Only 2 days until our 3rd ultrasound!

So far, I have no reason to believe things aren't progressing as they should, but of course, there is always that little feeling of fear in the back of my mind. I still feel nausea, but it is a little more intermittent now. I know the placenta will start taking over pretty soon, which usually leads to the end of the sickness. I never realized how much bloating a person can experience in early pregnancy. In the morning, my tummy looks pretty much normal, but by the end of the day you would swear I was 4 months along! Its actually kind of funny, but it does lead to not being very comfortable in my pants at times. I'm not ready to look for maternity pants by any means, but I do think I'm going to need to buy some pants with a drawstring waist in the near future.

I'm looking forward to being able to tell our families. I think I would have broken down and told them early this time as well, but its too fun to think about surprising them at Christmas with the news, so we've done well at keeping our secret.

Anyway, our 3rd ultrasound is scheduled for 9am on Tuesday. I should hopefully measure somewhere between 9 weeks 4 days and 10 weeks (my original dates and where I've been measuring so far). I'm sure I'll be a nervous wreck again that morning. She actually had to tell me to hold my breath when she was trying to measure the heartbeat last time because my breathing was so heavy she was having trouble keeping the ultrasound wand still enough. Oops!

8 week picture

So, we hit what I originally figured is our 8 week mark today. From the two ultrasounds we've had so far, I may be a few days ahead of that, but since I don't know anything for sure, I'm going to stick with my original date. So, today was the day to take an 8 week profile shot!

Other than that, there is not much new to report. I have some nausea every day, and at times it is really bad, but so far no actual throwing up. I hope it stays that way.

So far, so good

We had our second ultrasound today. The baby is still measuring 3 days ahead of where I thought I was, so I guess I may need to change my due date from 7/17 to 7/14 one of these days. I think I'll wait until the next ultrasound and see if it still holds true. Regardless, everything looked just perfect. The baby's heartrate was a very strong 169 beats per minute, and the ultrasound tech said the yolk sac was 'the prettiest one she's ever seen'. Aw, our baby is already getting compliments!

We will have our next ultrasound two weeks from tomorrow. If things are still going well at that point, my doctor will start seeing me on her normal ob patient schedule.

So, here are our baby's 2nd pictures! In the second one, you can actually see it's little arm buds waving at you.

Nervous

I'm nervously awaiting our next ultrasound on Monday, which will be at the 7 weeks and 3 days mark. This was about the point where our last pregnancy ended. We saw the heartbeat for a second time at 7w1d and then at our next appt at 8w1d, it had stopped. So, every little pang and twinge I feel these days is a little nerve wracking to say the least. I need to keep telling myself that while I don't know what tomorrow will bring, today I am pregnant.

We saw a heartbeat!

Today, I am 5 weeks 6 days and we had our first ultrasound. I was pretty nervous because the last couple days I had been feeling really crampy and had a little spotting. I know that is a very normal symptom in early pregnancy, but given my history I can't help but get nervous about the slightest thing. However, it turns out all is looking very good. The crown to rump length actually measured 6 weeks 2 days, but I know measurements at this point can be off a day or two. And, heck, I'm much happier to measure too big than too small! They warned me that we were right at the borderline of where a heartbeat may or may not be heard yet, but the first thing we saw upon finding the baby on the ultrasound was a tiny little flicker. It was a beautiful sight! They measured it at 118 beats per minute which is right where it should be.

So, without further ado, here is our baby's first pictures!




I am still very cautious because we saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks 4 days last time and two weeks later it was gone. We later found out that the baby had trisomy 22 which is an extra 22nd chromosone and is usually lethal to a fetus, so hopefully that was just bad luck and not something we passed on (and could therefore pass on again).

I finally called the doctor

So, I finally went ahead and called the doctor's office today. They sent me for an HCG and it was over 8000. I asked the nurse for the exact number and she said it wasn't important what the actual number was. Ergh! Since that number is consistent with the point I am in the pregnancy, the doctor doesn't see much point in doing another HCG. So, I will have my first appt next Thursday, November 20th. The nurse didn't specifically state they would do an ultrasound, but in my other pregnancies they always did them this early, since with endo you are at an increased risk for an ectopic pregnancy.

First Pregnancy Pic

So, during the short durations of my first two pregnancies, I was too nervous to think about doing a series of photos to watch my tummy grow. I've decided this time I'm going to act like I've never experienced the pain of infertility or loss and I'm just going to live in the moment. So, I had my husband take my first profile picture at 4 weeks. I perhaps should have chosen more figure hugging clothing, but I think this will work.

Apprehensively excited

Hi, my name is Jill and I am pregnant for the 3rd time. Sadly, the first two both ended in miscarriage and I'm more than a little scared that this one will end the same way. However, I decided I was going to write this blog and hope its something I can keep up for the next 9 months.

So, a little history. My husband and I were married in 2002 and started trying to get pregnant shortly thereafter. A year and a half later, we discovered that I had stage IV endometriosis. So, I had a lap to remove the endo and we jumped right into fertility treatments. Three IVFs and no positive pregnancy tests later, we decided that being parents was our goal, not pregnancy, and we moved onto adoption. We adopted from Guatemala our beautiful, nearly 3 year old son in late 2006, and he has been a complete joy to us. I absolutely have no regrets about our path to parenthood because were it not for those failed fertility treatments, we would not have him. It was God's perfect timing at work, I am sure of it.

Much to our surprise, shortly after we returned from Guatemala, we discovered I was pregnant. The pregnancy never looked viable though (no baby ever developed, just an empty sac), and at 8 weeks my body finally realized it was not nurturing life and I miscarried.

Last year we decided to start the adoption process again, adopting domestically this time around. One month after our profile was put in the agency's book, we found out we had been chosen by a birth mother. We were shocked that it happened so fast, to say the least. We met her and thought it was a good match. The next day, we discovered that once again I was pregnant. The baby we were expecting through adoption wasn't due for 2 1/2 more months, so we were thrilled and a little scared that we could have two babies about 6 months apart in age.

Unfortunately, the match with the birth mother fell through before we even had a chance to tell her about our pregnancy. The next day, we saw a heartbeat for the first time and were, of course, thrilled that at least the pregnancy seemed like it could possibly work out. However, when we went for another ultrasound two weeks later, there was no longer a heartbeat (I was about 8 1/2 weeks along). It was devastating to have gone from thinking we could soon have two babies to none within the space of about 3 weeks.

So, we now have waiting in the profile book since the match fell through and have not heard about any possible matches. A few days ago, I started to recognize some of the same symptoms I experienced with my first two pregnancies, so I bought a test and a perfect plus sign appeared pretty much instantly. I am now exactly 4 weeks along, due on July 17th. I don't know what it is, but I have recognized very early on that something was different with my body in each of the 3 cycles I got pregnant because those are the only three times I have bought pregnancy tests in the last two years.

The past two times, I have broken down and told a couple of my close friends as soon as I got the positive test, but I'm feeling a little hesitant to do so this time. My husband is the only person who knows, and I don't even think I'll call the doctor until next week sometime. Because of my fertility history, she always wants to do very early ultrasounds and I just don't want to face that right now. Or even the bloodwork.

Well, I think I've blabbed on enough. Hopefully this is the first post of many!