Nervous

I'm nervously awaiting our next ultrasound on Monday, which will be at the 7 weeks and 3 days mark. This was about the point where our last pregnancy ended. We saw the heartbeat for a second time at 7w1d and then at our next appt at 8w1d, it had stopped. So, every little pang and twinge I feel these days is a little nerve wracking to say the least. I need to keep telling myself that while I don't know what tomorrow will bring, today I am pregnant.

We saw a heartbeat!

Today, I am 5 weeks 6 days and we had our first ultrasound. I was pretty nervous because the last couple days I had been feeling really crampy and had a little spotting. I know that is a very normal symptom in early pregnancy, but given my history I can't help but get nervous about the slightest thing. However, it turns out all is looking very good. The crown to rump length actually measured 6 weeks 2 days, but I know measurements at this point can be off a day or two. And, heck, I'm much happier to measure too big than too small! They warned me that we were right at the borderline of where a heartbeat may or may not be heard yet, but the first thing we saw upon finding the baby on the ultrasound was a tiny little flicker. It was a beautiful sight! They measured it at 118 beats per minute which is right where it should be.

So, without further ado, here is our baby's first pictures!




I am still very cautious because we saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks 4 days last time and two weeks later it was gone. We later found out that the baby had trisomy 22 which is an extra 22nd chromosone and is usually lethal to a fetus, so hopefully that was just bad luck and not something we passed on (and could therefore pass on again).

I finally called the doctor

So, I finally went ahead and called the doctor's office today. They sent me for an HCG and it was over 8000. I asked the nurse for the exact number and she said it wasn't important what the actual number was. Ergh! Since that number is consistent with the point I am in the pregnancy, the doctor doesn't see much point in doing another HCG. So, I will have my first appt next Thursday, November 20th. The nurse didn't specifically state they would do an ultrasound, but in my other pregnancies they always did them this early, since with endo you are at an increased risk for an ectopic pregnancy.

First Pregnancy Pic

So, during the short durations of my first two pregnancies, I was too nervous to think about doing a series of photos to watch my tummy grow. I've decided this time I'm going to act like I've never experienced the pain of infertility or loss and I'm just going to live in the moment. So, I had my husband take my first profile picture at 4 weeks. I perhaps should have chosen more figure hugging clothing, but I think this will work.

Apprehensively excited

Hi, my name is Jill and I am pregnant for the 3rd time. Sadly, the first two both ended in miscarriage and I'm more than a little scared that this one will end the same way. However, I decided I was going to write this blog and hope its something I can keep up for the next 9 months.

So, a little history. My husband and I were married in 2002 and started trying to get pregnant shortly thereafter. A year and a half later, we discovered that I had stage IV endometriosis. So, I had a lap to remove the endo and we jumped right into fertility treatments. Three IVFs and no positive pregnancy tests later, we decided that being parents was our goal, not pregnancy, and we moved onto adoption. We adopted from Guatemala our beautiful, nearly 3 year old son in late 2006, and he has been a complete joy to us. I absolutely have no regrets about our path to parenthood because were it not for those failed fertility treatments, we would not have him. It was God's perfect timing at work, I am sure of it.

Much to our surprise, shortly after we returned from Guatemala, we discovered I was pregnant. The pregnancy never looked viable though (no baby ever developed, just an empty sac), and at 8 weeks my body finally realized it was not nurturing life and I miscarried.

Last year we decided to start the adoption process again, adopting domestically this time around. One month after our profile was put in the agency's book, we found out we had been chosen by a birth mother. We were shocked that it happened so fast, to say the least. We met her and thought it was a good match. The next day, we discovered that once again I was pregnant. The baby we were expecting through adoption wasn't due for 2 1/2 more months, so we were thrilled and a little scared that we could have two babies about 6 months apart in age.

Unfortunately, the match with the birth mother fell through before we even had a chance to tell her about our pregnancy. The next day, we saw a heartbeat for the first time and were, of course, thrilled that at least the pregnancy seemed like it could possibly work out. However, when we went for another ultrasound two weeks later, there was no longer a heartbeat (I was about 8 1/2 weeks along). It was devastating to have gone from thinking we could soon have two babies to none within the space of about 3 weeks.

So, we now have waiting in the profile book since the match fell through and have not heard about any possible matches. A few days ago, I started to recognize some of the same symptoms I experienced with my first two pregnancies, so I bought a test and a perfect plus sign appeared pretty much instantly. I am now exactly 4 weeks along, due on July 17th. I don't know what it is, but I have recognized very early on that something was different with my body in each of the 3 cycles I got pregnant because those are the only three times I have bought pregnancy tests in the last two years.

The past two times, I have broken down and told a couple of my close friends as soon as I got the positive test, but I'm feeling a little hesitant to do so this time. My husband is the only person who knows, and I don't even think I'll call the doctor until next week sometime. Because of my fertility history, she always wants to do very early ultrasounds and I just don't want to face that right now. Or even the bloodwork.

Well, I think I've blabbed on enough. Hopefully this is the first post of many!